concepts with their own notes:
the decision to parent
✶ “opted out of kids because i want to remain protagonist of my own life” — some reddit thread
✶ it’s not that I want people who don’t want kids to have kids…but it feels like it will get harder to create or maintain a culture in which children can thrive, as fewer adults have meaningful experience with the other side of the parent/child dynamic
behavior management
- be generally a Yes person - they need to explore. pick your battles. ask yourself “is this really a limit, something I’m willing to hold consistently, 100x if need be?” if not let it go
- 🌷 saw someone else talk about how they understand why babies gets frustrated when you intervene in their explorations, so OP tries to design the world around baby in such a way that they won’t have to do that so much — such is the purpose of babyproofing a house
- when they do cross an unacceptable limit, maintain that boundary. they will freak out. be firm and calm. practice this skill over and over (the opportunities will present themselves)
- connect and support. you’re stopping and correcting the behavior, not the emotion. hold the emotion with them and help them move on
- don’t try to verbally reason or negotiate with a young toddler. they seem way more reasonable than they are, because they can speak (kinda like an LLM lol). use physical ways to regulate, humor, silliness
memory-making
✶ I remember some years ago, we were at a family reunion, and my great aunts and uncles and my mom’s cousins would always address my kids first. They’d get down on their level, hold their faces in their hands and marvel at them. When the child felt fully seen, they’d then say hi to me.
- When I pointed out to one of the older relatives that it’s interesting how this side of the family treats kids at family functions. It’s so…intentional. She smiled. “We do these gatherings for them. We have our memories. They need some too.”
meaning
✶ “Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make children—children make parents. They shape our behavior from the first wail. Mold us into what they need. It can be a pretty rough process, too.”
✶ I didn’t know having a daughter would feel like getting to meet a smaller, braver, funnier version of myself, someone who carries my weird quirks like treasures instead of flaws.